The holiday season is all about giving and receiving and Cuddling extra close with a special someone to stay warm. It's also about getting your fingers sticky snacking on delicious holiday treats.
OK, I'm talking about sex. The holiday season is all about sex — inside a car, at the bedroom, at the bathroom, at the club etc. So while you're sipping on some rum-spiked 'noggy and getting ideas
about doing it doggy, here are some Christmas-inspired sex positions . Eat, drink and make merry!
#1.Reindeer Style
Very similar to doggy style, where the guy is behind the girl, except he explicitly imagines her as a plucky reindeer who carries the task of transporting her gift-bearing lover all over the world. Most effective when one or both parties wears a festive hat and/ or a sexy couples’ reins and bit combination in the mouth.
#2. The Stocking Stuffer
The stocking stuffer is, arguably, one of the finest yuletide positions. While operating, both parties must be upright and against a mantle—specifically with a roaring fire nearby. The lady places one or both legs around the man’s hips as he thrusts upwards and *ahem* stuffs her. There can be chocolate involved if you like.
#3. Santa’s Little Helper
This is the position for ladies who want a little
something extra during the love-making sesh. The real Santa’s helpers are elves, reindeer, and other North Pole monsters, her little helper is a tiny vibrator while commencing sexy times in the spooning position. Best part? Either he or she can use it… wherever they want, but aim for the clitoris, ‘cause chicks dig that stuff.
#4.Santa Claus Is Going Downtown
Santa’s got a present and it’s from the North Pole.
With this position, you give her everything she’s
ever wanted for Christmas (and every other day of the year) with an unabashedly long oral session.
While your babe is sitting up on a couch, you
assume the position of getting on your knees between her knees and… well, you probably know what to do. Don’t stop until she pushes you away.
#5. Eat The Fruitcake
If you haven’t joined the booty-eating renaissance, you gotta get on it. Christmas is the time to make that dream come to fruition and what better time to give pleasure than while getting pleasure. Assume the typical 69’ing position, but aim up just a little bit. This works best after a nice hot shower and scrub (for both parties, because no one likes dirty dudes.) Cleanliness and communication is the key, so you should probably tell her before you indulge in her fruitcake. That’s the funny thing about fruitcakes and buttholes, though; they both taste the same
#6. Jingle Balls
Okay, ladies, keep an open mind here. Both guys and girls are afraid of testicles — and why shouldn’t we be? The pain of a smacked pair of balls is incomparable and awful. However, with Jingle Balls, the lady treats the testicles beneath her like as politely as possible as she gingerly rubs over and/or tickles her fella’s balls while doing reverse cowgirl. Unlike bells, there should be very little jingling involved, as the only festive sound from that will be yelping—just give them a nice graze with your hands
#7. The Scrooge McDick
Some of the best kind of sex is the passionate angry sex you'll have after a long night at your in-law’s. Start out with a fuming car ride and then jump each other’s bones the moment you get home. Don't take your clothes off, just give her your Tiny Tim.
All illustrations by Carlee Ranger .
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